I got the fastest time!
I’m the best______!
I made the most sales!
I have the biggest list!
My book is #1 on Amazon!
My kid is on the top of the honor roll!
What do all these statements have in common?
They invite comparison.
Remember when, as kids, we played outside during recess at school? And how many times we would hear or even speak ourselves, “My dad can beat up your dad!”
“No he can’t, my dad is bigger than yours!” was the response. And so on.
We were children then, playing with our pecking order and bolstering our importance.
The question is, do we really need to continue this ‘better than’ competition in our adulthood, especially in the workplace, the business world?
It is always healthy for us to feel validated and honored in some way, but when it is at the expense of someone else it has never felt good to me, especially if I am the one who has been proclaimed ‘the winner, the best, the most,’ etc.
And I truly believe that building a person up by showing others as being ‘less than’ isn’t an environment conducive to motivation.
A person needs to have a rock solid, unshakable, firmly entrenched yet modest self-esteem, in order to not have some feelings of ‘less than’ or ‘judgment’ upon hearing statements such as the ones opening this article. But they are certainly not the majority.
I recently ‘won’ a watch for honoring my mother by writing about her. I didn’t even realize it was a contest. I simply saw an invitation to write about my Mum for Mother’s Day and I was moved to do so as she has been gone for 10 years now and I miss her.
Several others wrote about their mother’s too. I was very surprised and pleased to get the watch because it is so unique and I actually needed a new watch, but I didn’t feel great about any idea that I was ‘better’ in any way than the other writers or that their mothers were any less honorable.
Perhaps others might think that I must not have much confidence, have a low self- esteem, feel undeserving or overly empathetic, but this is how I am. And wouldn’t it make my point that they would be judging and comparing me to their own beliefs?
Our world is chock full of comparisons, opinions and judgment. Look at advertising, politics, sports, beauty pageants, awards shows, schools and businesses, to name some. Everything becomes a contest and this can breed embarrassment, shame, rivalry, separateness etc.
We’ve been indoctrinated to believe that ‘competition is good’, especially in the world of business ie: most sales, highest annual income, largest client list, Forbes list, Inc. 500, etc.
When it comes right down to the stripped, bare-bottom line, the person or business is ‘successful’ because success spells M-O-N-E-Y. So the person who hasn’t been lauded is these ways is not successful because they choose to earn a comfortable income and pass up the awards and the millions?
Observation: Blend ego, comparison, judgment with millions of dollars and it seems to breed more motivation to cheat (ie: politics and sports are rampant with cheating.) than strong ethics.
The common denominator is people.
This model of motivation and success is outmoded with the shift in consciousness our planet is undergoing. It is much more aligned with Ego than Spirit.
It’s time for a new model.
Rather than comparing and measuring one method of success over another we should be finding and extolling the uniqueness, strengths and gifts within each individual.
Instead of the intellect of a school child scoring highest in grades over their peers, how about the unique talents of each child in competing with him or herself to grow into the best theycan be?
An athlete, who competes with their own record and stamina instead of other people, may place out of the medals and trophies but gains a personal best. Instead of feeling ‘less than’, they celebrate a personal milestone and are a very happy individual.
And this is my point. There is only one place wherein there is room for comparison and that is within one’s own self, with the help of your goals.
Goals are a place for growth, a place for you to exclude all others and concentrate only on your own personal growth. What can you do better than you have done it before? Who can you help more? How can you communicate better, work finances to bring better results, respect your body more, plan better, discipline yourself better, study more of, work smarter, and the list is endless.
The reason we have difficulty doing these things is usually because we might ‘fail’ and the fear of what ‘others’ will say or think. Judgment!
Your Goals have no place for a scorecard, competition, judgment or opinions. No one has a soul purpose such as yours. No one else can do what you do, how you do it, why you do it, when you do it or where you do it. You have dominion over your world and your life.
Is it any wonder people are galloping into entrepreneurialism as a way of life? We no longer want to live in the world of comparison, judgment and opinion. We simply want to grow, serve, do our own best and improve with experience.
Goals are not a way to better your opinion of yourself in comparison to something or someone else. Goals are a way to improve your gifts, live a fulfilling and meaningful life, better express your soul purpose, love and be loved.
Action Step: for one day take notice every time you hear or read a judgment being made, especially from yourself. When you do, raise you hand for a second. You will find yourself raising your hand frequently! If someone asks you why you are raising your hand, explain what you are doing. Invite them to do the same.
This will spread throughout the workplace or school, shop, meeting place, restaurant etc. and it becomes hysterically funny to watch! We are actually laughing at judgment as we see hands constantly popping up and down.
This is an exercise that shows you just how much judgment there is in this world. And if we can laugh at it, it’s a starting place to actually be aware of what we are doing and change the behavior.
Bonus! Your physical benefit will be stronger arms from the workout!
About the Author, Lynn Moore
Lynn is an Intuitive Coach/Mentor who works with career women in the second half of life to help them find a deeper sense of self and soul purpose. To help them end the struggle to learn WHO they are, WHAT they want and HOW to go and get it.
She is an accomplished speaker, published author, lifetime entrepreneur and has coached clients worldwide since 2004. She is the creator of the Inspirational Goaling system that is revolutionizing the world of how to choose goals and accomplish them struggle free.Receive your free iBook, "Inspirational Goaling", that will inspire you into a life of fulfillment and meaning at: www.InspirationalGoaling.com