Saying “No” to Outdated Relationships and Situations and Saying “yes!” to Your Success Instead
This year, I avoided all of the hoo-ha associated with making New Year’s Resolutions.
I made my commitment on December 1st to spend an hour a day, five or more days a week, exercising my body!
Now, I don’t make commitments lightly, because my word is my bond, and I understand the difference between being interested (you’ll do whatever is convenient) versus committed (you’ll do whatever it takes). So, what changed?
I had a new thought. I realized that I had been interested in supporting my body through diet and exercise but not committed. It hit me that I needed my body to support me more than ever over the years ahead but that I was not doing my part to support it.
Then ‘the big a-ha’ hit: everything in life comes down to vibrational frequency.
The higher your frequency, the happier, healthier, the more successful you are and the more you attract high vibrational people and opportunities.
While I grounded and centered, meditated and (mostly) ate whole foods daily, there was another area that was critical, and it was the one I had resisted for 10 years. Oh sure, I stretched most nights but in spite of my beloved Victor’s reticence, I used the time to chatter and play, versus actually connecting with my body.
Since December, Victor and I do our yoga practice to music but in silence. Holding each pose for 4 full breaths and tuning into my body to ensure that I am holding no unnecessary tension has been transformative.
In two months, I appreciate that I have been resisting what supports me the most!
I am stronger, more flexible, more alive. I am sleeping better, my skin is better and I have stabilized my weight. On the downside, it took me ten years to get it! On the upside, the only time is now!
To what outdated relationships or situations are you clinging?
Resisting change seems to be a human frailty.
And yet, ironically, we all know the only thing that is constant on Earth is change! Resistance often comes from a lack of trust – if you release a toxic relationship, personal or professional, will it be replaced by someone better or will you be left feeling that you cut off your nose to spite your face?
Holding on to either relationships that have run their course or to relationships that enmesh you in low frequency, like gossip, negative thinking, fear-based thinking or being at the effect of someone else’s chronic disorganization, is a way to keep yourself stuck.
Whatever you say, “yes” to, you merge with.
Which of your relationships, client, vendor, colleague or personal, are irritating you, frustrating you, limiting you and wasting your precious time? They are demanding to be disintegrated.
The act of letting go, difficult as it may be, will liberate you.
The pain only comes when we are unwilling to let go. Saying, “no” to outdated relationships and situations is saying, “yes!” to oneself.
Where are you diminishing yourself through limited thinking and outdated beliefs?
How many thoughts do you have in day? Researchers say the range is between 12,000 and 50,000, and as many as 70% – 80% of them are negative! Even worse, most of us thought those very same negative thoughts yesterday, and the day before that…
Negative thoughts attack your clarity, muddy your insight and create a mood of anxiety, even if, in actuality, everything is going well. Worse still, experts agree that thinking the same negative thought over and over can create the very dire set of circumstances you fear!
Many of us picked up this pattern of negative thinking from our parents; it was reinforced as we grew up as we realized most every other person does this too, but does that make it acceptable?
It’s a habit, and habits can be changed.
Of course, changing a habit is going to bring up resistance but only if you don’t see the benefits of change for you.
Releasing your doubts and fears, recognizing that your fears have nothing to do with reality and refusing to attack yourself anymore allows you to own the skills you have acquired and master the skills needed to achieve what you long for most deeply.
It can be as simple as saying, “Cancel! Cancel! Cancel!” to a negative thought and then replacing it with a positive one.
Which tasks or situations are challenging for you?
Resistance can be found in any situation that you are struggling with in life.
Sometimes the resistance lies in simply asking for help. Why is it so hard to ask for help? You may have been shamed as a child or young adult, or you may have bought into the need to be perfect, or you may have been brainwashed by corporate life in seeing asking for help as a sign of weakness.
Instead, my business partner and I say, “This is not a going it alone lifetime! Together we are stronger!”
As long as you ask for help cleanly, not guilt-tripping anyone or seeking to manipulate them, and as long as you are willing for them so say, “no” or “not now” it’s healthy to ask for help.
In fact, not asking for help denies others the opportunity to share their gifts and talents and their love and friendship with you. We all need to feel that we are making a contribution.
Resisting asking for help can create a vulnerability in your business.
In our Doing Business Consciously 6-month course, we say that you must know what you don’t know. Hiring a professional who has a demonstrated track record of expertise in that area allows you to focus on what you do know and activities that only you can do, as ‘the secret sauce’ in your own business!
Are you open to your emotions and feelings?
We understand that many people are intimidated by the power of their feelings and are afraid to express them. Unfortunately, when you bottle up your feelings of rage and grief, disappointment and resentment, they leak over your clients, colleagues and loved ones.
And, if you continue to resist them, they can cause a dis-ease in your body, that leads to an outburst where you are out of control and say things that can never be taken back. The underlying cause of most diseases is unprocessed feelings and wounds.
The secret is to process your feelings in private because underneath your feelings is an insight that you have not been aware of.
Once you understand why your emotions have been triggered, you can express yourself in a calm and rational manner that can be heard. It’s important to recognize that you never get angry for no reason – it’s because a boundary has been overstepped or you have felt ‘dissed’ in some way; resentment comes from saying, “yes” when you wanted to say, “no.” Then, you can accept that your feelings are a gift.
Are you ready to see yourself and your life through new eyes?
We are in the midst of vast, sweeping change. Anything that no longer serves you needs to be destroyed to make way for the new.
Just like extracting a rotten tooth provides relief to the entire body, letting go of toxic and stagnant relationships and situations will fill you with new energy, motivation and a shift in your perception that allows for total transformation.
Ultimately, like me, you may see that you have been resisting your greatest good.
I’d love to hear your comments and questions below!
About the Author, Aimée Lyndon-Adams
Aimée Lyndon-Adams is both a seasoned corporate executive and a metaphysician practicing spiritual energy healing. She has provided coaching and healing sessions to individuals, couples and groups and has offered an energy management curriculum of training classes for many years. She is an articulate and charismatic speaker and facilitator.
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